Life Travel

On Living Together: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly.

January 18, 2015
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“We really need to get out of this habit of just throwing things on the floor,” he said, picking up a pair of my carelessly strewn pyjama bottoms.

Oh dear. And so it begins.

Now, I may have flown across the world to experience my first time living with a boy, and living with another couple too makes it all feel a lot less grown up. But nevertheless, the same rules apply to the latest new experience of my twenties.

Weekly eagerly anticipated date nights are now, like, just every evening at the dinner table.

When we can afford date night out (apparently paying rent can put a little dent in the weekly dinner, cinema, drinks, clubbing fund) it’s usually a good chance to have a conversation about serious stuff, like money, or bills, or business plans or the future.

And when you just wanna let it all hang out? Well, you’ve just gotta do what a girls gotta do and hope for the best that you’ll still be loved through every single surprise revelation that you might not be quite as glamorous all the time as you might have been three times a week for evening dates and weekend sleepovers.

The good:

  • Before the day has even really started, you get to see a face you love, and that’s EVERY DAY!
  • You have someone to tell about your night full of crazy dreams without a) judgement, and b) the risk of being labelled as the office ‘most boring storyteller ever’.
  • You get to have a sleepover with your best friend every night!
  • There’s always someone there to listen to stories about your day.
  • There’s always someone there to complain to.
  • If you need a cuddle, you’ve got it. And if you really really don’t, that’s generally always fine too.
  • You share everything – secrets, in-jokes, tea-making, mutual hatred for the loud clattering of the postman, mutual love for watching hours of your current TV addiction.
  • There’s always someone to tell you that you look nice. With the correct prompting, obviously. (I.e. ‘Do I look nice? Insert wisest answer here [____]’)
  • If you forget to buy deodorant, there’s always back up.

The bad:

  • With mornings can come grumpy grunts and frowns, and that’s before the day has even started.
  • Someone might begin to realise how much you enjoy keeping your stuff where you can see it (i.e. all over the floor, desk, chair, bedside table etc..)
  • Someone might often complain about the above point by shouting ‘shit on the floor again!’ to which, any guests unaware of the context, are likely to presume that, (unless you have a dog, which we do not) you might have actually done a shit on the floor, again. And that’s never good.
  • Someone else’s hair joins yours around the sink.
  • You have to clean the bathroom that another human being has used.
  • Boys are smelly – will they ALWAYS think farts are hilarious?
  • You end up HAVING to share stuff (that incredibly expensive colour restore shampoo has been wasted wash after wash on a man that has never coloured his hair, nor has any desire to restore it.)

The ugly:

Fights. Silly little bickery ‘can we just stop and listen to ourselves?!’ fights about mess and washing and cleaning and doing dishes and mattress toppers and early morning alarms that NEVER STOP and lights being left on and eating all the food shop on delivery day and who used the last of the milk and where did all the biscuits go and all the other things you’ve been fighting with your parents about for years, only to now realise, this shit never ends!

Like, ever.

But when it comes down to it, even through all the brand new grown up stuff that I never once dreamt I’d ever have to deal with, well it’s really very nice, this living together thing.

Snatched kisses in the kitchen, the LAUGHS that bubble out post-fight when we realise we’re arguing over whether to buy a fitted or a flat sheet, always thinking about someone else and knowing that they’re always thinking about you (sure, apart from when the football’s on, or being discussed, or being played, or being mentioned, or just existing), the sharing of the smallest most boring things like taking in the shopping or preparing a meal or doing the dishes feeling like you’re part of a mini team as you tackle this new grown up world together.

Those giggles, and that getting each other, and the comfort, and the listening and the believing in each other’s goals and plans and dreams. It all wins. The good stuff wins!

But the farts really do have to stop.

***

You’re battling the twenties too, huh? The best way to win is to face it together! Get in touch: littleredfrench@gmail.com

Or leave me a comment below!

44 Comments

  • Reply Felecia Efriann March 12, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    In living with anyone, you encounter those moments of the good, the bad, and the ugly. It nice to get the chance to be able to love someone for who they are, see them with their guard down, and encounter all their quirks as well as your own. Sharing one’s space with someone else, my sister as my roommate, has made me a more considerate person, better communicator, and shown me how to let go of the little things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I have grow to enjoy the little things that once annoyed me in the beginning, and learned how to better communicate what I need. It is a blessing to have that chance to care for and about someone other than yourself.

    • Reply littleredfrench March 12, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      Hey Felecia! Thank you for stopping by, and you know what I hadn’t even thought of that angle – that living with ANYONE, not just a partner, is really one lesson after another. You definitely learn a lot about yourself by just sharing a space with someone other than yourself. And I think you have the answer to it nailed – learning to enjoy the little things! x

  • Reply Cristina March 12, 2015 at 8:43 pm

    My husband can’t even handle the word fart outside of the bathroom. It’s BRUTAL! No farting no matter what. But that’s not the point here, is it? Snatched kisses in the kitchen are still an all time favorite of mine and we’ve been married for almost 9 years now. (WOW!)

    So, I meant to comment. I guess I just got confused! Sorry about that message 😀

    • Reply littleredfrench March 12, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Cristina I like that rule A LOT!! That is so lovely to hear that snatched kisses in the kitchen is still *the thing* 9 years on! Congratulations – and still no farts – I’m so impressed! x

  • Reply Shannon March 13, 2015 at 2:48 am

    sorry I think I commented in the wrong place!

    This is funny. I love the Friends picture at the top! Its funny how you really see someones true colors when you actually live with them. I did not live with my husband before marriage. (my parents did not allow) I wish I had been able to because maybe we would have gotten through a few fights then instead of when we were married! :)

    • Reply littleredfrench March 13, 2015 at 2:51 am

      Ah that’s okay, I think something is going on with my comments box that I need to get sorted.

      Thank you for your comment – I’m glad you liked it! Oh wow maybe marriage was a double shock to the system in that case?! Hehe, yes living together definitely uncovers a few little secrets that take some time to get used to! :)

  • Reply Phyllis Sather March 13, 2015 at 8:32 pm

    After almost 31 years of marriage I still love waking up with my best friend.

  • Reply Val @ Love My DIY Home March 14, 2015 at 2:29 am

    After 36 years of marriage, 15 kids and many blessings I can say my life with my DH has been a huge blessing from God. Our first two years were hard, getting to know each other and learning to live with each other, but I can safely say he is my favorite person in the whole world.

    • Reply littleredfrench March 18, 2015 at 4:47 am

      36 years?! 15 kids?! You, lovely Val, deserve a medal! I am so thrilled to think about what I have to look forward to though and I hope I can give it as good a shot as you!! x

  • Reply Trena Quesenberry March 14, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    When my husband and I first got married, it was truly something neither of us were prepared for. The “honeymoon phase” slipped away really quickly. Trying to merge two completely different lives together is hard, and it changes a relationship.

    • Reply littleredfrench March 16, 2015 at 3:49 am

      Hey Trena, it certainly changes things that’s for sure! But hopefully the good stuff outweighs any of the trickies! x

  • Reply Jennifer Corter March 14, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    I remember when my husband and I first got a place together. It took a LOT of getting used to. Five years later, we’re still learning about each others little quirks. It’s always a learning process. :)

    • Reply littleredfrench March 16, 2015 at 3:42 am

      There are definitely lots of things to learn along the way! I guess it’s all part of the fun though! :)

  • Reply Candi March 15, 2015 at 2:06 am

    I have lived with my husband for almost 20 years and there will always be times of annoyance, but nothing like waking up to him every day. :)

  • Reply Angela McKinney March 17, 2015 at 1:01 am

    Haha the farts never stop. When I first moved in with my now husband everything was so new. He is the one with stuff all over and I am the one that can’t stand it. Now with a chid everything is new again. Toys EVERYWHERE, I mean in your bed and everything. It is a lot of changes but you get things to work.

  • Reply Lisa @ Saving Cent by Cent March 17, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    Sometimes the bad and the ugly are no fun to have to deal with, but for me the good always outweighs the other and makes it worth it.

  • Reply Lauren @ Mom Home Guide March 17, 2015 at 8:16 pm

    Living together with your love one is wonderful — it does feel like a sleepover / party every night! :)

  • Reply Keelie Reason March 17, 2015 at 9:45 pm

    Oh my goodness…no the farts are not ever going to stop. If you have boys to raise one day, it just gets worse!

    I do laugh about the cleaning a bathroom someone else is using. Sounds like you are learning what it really means to be in relationship with someone you love.

    • Reply littleredfrench March 18, 2015 at 2:33 am

      Haha oh no Keelie – well thanks for letting me know what I’m in for!

      Yep I definitely am – apparently there’s a bit more to it than date nights and cute text messages!

  • Reply Barbara J March 17, 2015 at 11:20 pm

    I will be married for 17 years next weekend and even though my hubby drives me bananas at times, can’t imagine life without him.

    • Reply littleredfrench March 18, 2015 at 2:31 am

      That is such a lovely thing to hear Barbara, thank you x

  • Reply Maketta March 17, 2015 at 11:42 pm

    As of now I am still single but it’s nice to know what I can look forward to when I do get married. :)

  • Reply Crystal From Tidbits of Experience March 18, 2015 at 12:38 am

    This is such a cute post because it really does describe what living with someone is really like. There is a lot of good, but there’s equally as much ugly in the mix too. I won’t even begin to tell you the ugly that goes on in our house. It’s to embarrassing to say out loud!

    • Reply littleredfrench March 18, 2015 at 2:31 am

      Thanks Crystal! Yes there’s a lot to take in that’s for sure! Oh no – even more embarrassing than all the farts?!

  • Reply Elizabeth Duke March 18, 2015 at 12:38 am

    Thank you for sharing this post. I think it will definitely give some insight to couples who are considering moving in together. They can get a little glance at what they have to look forward to…both good and bad!

    • Reply littleredfrench March 18, 2015 at 2:29 am

      Hi Elizabeth, I really hope so! It’s always good to know what you’re in for..!

  • Reply michelle h March 18, 2015 at 2:15 am

    Oh how you’ve taken me back to my newlywed days. Those definitely were not always happy times. But you’re right, in the end it’s absolutely worth it.

  • Reply Whitney McGruder March 18, 2015 at 3:37 am

    Well, I’m glad that the “good” is winning over the “bad” and “ugly”! It’s good to realize what’s silly to argue about and what’s really serious. You’ve found a great friend if you can talk about the hard things and get through them–rather than avoid them altogether. Good luck!

    • Reply littleredfrench March 18, 2015 at 4:41 am

      Thanks Whitney! Yes you’re absolutely right, the term ‘pick your battles’ springs to mind a lot here hehe! Totally agree, communication is THE KEY to it all I reckon! x

  • Reply Alice @ Earning My Two Cents March 18, 2015 at 4:16 am

    haha this reminded me of when my husband and I first moved in together when we were dating. We lived with a few of our friends too which helped take the pressure off some. But i remember the first time we got in a fight and i went to my room to get some space to cool off and i thought, “Shit! he can come in here too!” because it was OUR room! :)

    • Reply littleredfrench March 18, 2015 at 4:43 am

      Haha Alice that’s so funny! There’s nowhere to run or hide! But I suppose sometimes it’s a good thing because it means we *have* to talk about it..! x

  • Reply Ashley March 18, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    I love the good, the bad, and the ugly of our relationship. 5 years later and we still make it work. I have to tell you I did just text my husband because you reminded me he is not only the love of my life but also my sexy ass best friend:)

  • Reply Bonnie Way March 18, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    Yep. It’s an adjustment to get used to living with someone else. I remember going through that when my husband and I got married. You think you know someone because you hang out SO MUCH. Then you start living together… uh huh. All that extra stuff comes out! :) Thanks for sharing your humour about it! (Humour always helps!!!)

  • Reply Cami March 18, 2015 at 10:29 pm

    I love the point “if you need a cuddle you’ve got it!” I love cuddles with my hubbs!

  • Reply Shereen Travels Cheap March 19, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    I think the longer you live with someone, the easier it gets. I am an only child, so sharing and having someone there all the time was not something I was used to or had to do. So, I had to learn to compromise and not always get my way and to fight properly and to let things go that don’t REALLY matter. Communication is very important. My husband and i have lived together for 12 years, 9 of them married. It can be a struggle some days, but more often than not it’s pretty great.

    • Reply littleredfrench March 22, 2015 at 11:10 am

      That’s great to hear Shereen – I think it’s the letting go that really is the answer! And all the things that are worth it aren’t always easy hey! :) x

  • Reply Melissa Vera March 20, 2015 at 12:47 am

    I remember when my husband and I first started living together it was a total learning experience. But now not so much.

    • Reply littleredfrench March 22, 2015 at 11:07 am

      Yes definitely learning all the time – that’s nice to know there does come a point where you both just get it..

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